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Insights / December 19, 2016

Tell a Fart Joke

By Ryan Bridge

You read that right…this week, tell a fart joke.

We’re close to wrapping up 2016, and this year has been interesting to say the least. We lost a number of amazing and inspirational people this year, and the election was…well, the election was something.

The time to laugh is now. The time to enjoy the company of family and friends is now. And we all know fart jokes are universally funny (this NPR segment even proves it) so what better type of joke to tell over the holidays?

I’ll even help you out with a couple of fart jokes to get you started. Enjoy!

I was on the bus the other day and I really needed to fart.
Luckily, the music was really loud so I timed my farts with the beat, and after a couple of songs began to feel better.

As I left the bus though, I noticed everyone was starting at me in disgust.

That’s when I remembered I was listening to my iPod.

I was out delivering leaflets on flatulence awareness this morning.

Unfortunately, I let one rip.

An old married couple is in church one Sunday when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”

The husband turns back to her and says, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”

I farted at work the other day and my workmate started trying to open the window.

It must have been a really bad one—we work on a submarine.

One day a lady walks into a very high-class jewelry shop.
She browses around for a bit before she spots a gorgeous diamond bracelet, which she goes over to inspect.

As she bends over to look at it more closely, she accidentally breaks wind.

She’s very embarrassed and looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident, praying that a sales person doesn’t appear right now.

But when she turns around, her worst nightmare is realized as she sees a salesman standing right behind her.

The salesman stays as cool as a cucumber and shows complete professionalism as he greets the lady by saying, “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?”

The lady, a little more confident now that she’s gotten away with her little accident, asks, “How much is this lovely bracelet?”

The salesman replies, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to crap yourself when I tell you the price.”