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Insights / August 27, 2018

Dad Questions

Dad Questions

By Eddie Glenn

It’s funny how much life changes.

Right now, I got two kids. One’s less than a year old, the other’s almost three. They do weird stuff. Really weird. Usually it’s adorable, often it’s exhausting. It’s always ridiculous. It’s so ridiculous, I often hear myself say things out loud that make NO SENSE — unless you know I’m talking about my kids.

I’ve tried to make a habit of writing down some of the questions that I hear myself ask that I think are particularly funny out of context. Mostly as a way to make myself laugh, a coping mechanism to get through the hard parts. But also as a fun reminder of how drastically one’s life can change. I have very unique thoughts and feelings all day every day at this stage in my life, and in five years I will struggle to remember them.

I thought it would be fun to share some of the questions that arise, and I added the feeling I had at the time in parentheses, so you can have fun hollering these questions at no one in particular — just like I did!

1. Why is pretending to eat way more fun than eating? (exasperated, confused)

2. Why is she stuffing rice in her nose? How much did she already put in there? Maybe if we ignore it she’ll stop? But what if she really hurts herself? How do we get it out?  (I was whispering these to my wife, really confused, and a little anxious)

3. Why does she laugh harder when I get more angry? (resentful)

4. What happened to that big chunk of butter on the broccoli? She ate it? Did she like it? She’s still eating it! Is that gonna make her sick? Should we stop her? (first confused, than really grossed out, and finally a bit worried)

5. What’s so funny about the wrinkles in my forehead? (confused)

6. How are you not getting peed on? When was the last time you got peed on? I don’t get it. I get peed on every time. What am I doing wrong? (exasperated at like 3 a.m., and really, really angry)

7. Are you pooping right now? (matter-of-factly — I ask this question at least once a week)

8. What is more humiliating than cooking for over an hour, then placing the food you’re really proud of and excited to eat in front of your child, hoping that they’ll like it, and they immediately throw it on the floor? (I’m giving up)

9. Why is she naked? (almost panicked)

10. Clara, no. We don’t wash our hands with ketchup. (my wife said this as she dove between car seats)